It is unnatural for a bird to be locked up in a cage, so why lock your partner up? Why put restraints on them and tie shackles to their legs and hold them down.
My love you are free to come and go, if you wish to spread your wings and fly then I respect your decision and want you to feel the freedom under your wings, I do not own you and I never will, the issue with relationships is we feel we ‘own’ our fellow partner, well no you don’t. Your partner is their own person and they have the right to live their own life, whether they wish to keep you in their life is their decision.
Nic has chosen to come into my life and stay as I have with him. Love is not an action that can be forced, love needs to flow freely without being told which direction to go. I thank him for entering my life but want him to know the door is always there if he feels he needs to be alone I will not hold him back.
A partner is someone who should be seen as your best friend, not a burden. All to often I hear my friends complaining and speaking about all the negatives aspects associated with their partner, and it makes me think, well why do you stand to put up with it? Because you love them or because you are afraid of being alone? Or are you only looking for the negatives in your partner instead of seeing all the positive things they do for you?
I spent two years from the ripe age of 17 being told who I could see, who I could talk to, what I could wear and where I could go by a man I did not love. I attempted to take my life in that trialling two years, I suffered anxiety and could not go a full day without feeling like a failure, I’m not mad at him and I forgive him, in fact I thank him for the most amazing life lesson, I know I did not treat him with full respect either, but I wasn’t too sure how else to react. At 18 I had to face the decision of bringing a child into this world, and the child and I both recognised the timing was wrong and it was certainly with the wrong male. At the age of 17 I was helping raise his 5-year-old daughter, who taught me some valuable life lessons, and I promise you I will never forget her.
I knew I wasn’t being true to myself, I was smoking several packets of cigarettes each week, and barely having enough sleep as I was constantly living in fear and paranoia, I wasn’t able to see my family either which made things harder for me. This man had a rough life, he lost his father to cancer and was left alone and confused. I pray for him all the time, I send him love and guidance, I pray that he finds himself and learns the right way to treat women and that is not with a forceful hand but with a full heart.
I now have the ability to recognise when others are in abusive relationships, it’s also a lot easier for me to see the early warning signs of abusive relationships and help those get out before things start to spiral. I will not stand to have another man control me, I am an adult and will make my own decisions. If I feel like dying my hair, I’ll do it, if I want to go out and have a drink with my girlfriends I’m going to. I will always consider my actions however and how it will affect my partner, I will always take him into consideration and will not do anything to hurt him or upset him.
I’m sharing this small part of my past with you all, not to sit here and speak condescendingly to those in my past but to help you understand why I am the way I am now, I also do not want you to feel sympathetic towards me. I am an incredibly strong women, I’ve fallen out of plenty of trees before and I’ve always managed to get back up and keep playing without my mum running over to me and comforting me.
The man who chooses to stay in my life needs to know that he has every right to feel free and unrestricted, I don’t ever want him to feel stuck and helpless. If Nic wishes to stay in my life then I will continue to love him and empower him. I will be there every step of the way uplifting him, supporting him through every decision he makes. I won’t ever take that adventurous spirit away from him, I don’t want him to stop doing what he loves, I don’t want him to make severe changes for me, all that I ask is that he supports myself as well, and if he ever reaches a point in his life where he no longer loves me, I ask that he speaks up and lets me know, because Nic is not mine to keep, he does not belong to anyone, he is free to go if he pleases.
Stop holding your partner down, I promise you it’s not benefiting either of you in any way, it is only creating toxicity between you both. Listen to your partner more, hear what they have to say, don’t dull their flame, ignite it with your love and compassion. Being in a stagnant relationship only creates unhappiness and it’s basically like driving to a dead-end street expecting to find a way out even though you read the Dead End sign on the way in.
Nic I love you, I’ve never met anyone as unique as you, I now understand why no other male felt right for me. You have helped me find freedom within myself too, your free spirit and carefree inhibitions inspire me everyday. I don’t ever want you to feel controlled by me. I understand that living in two completely separate continents can create a hardship between us both, but effectively it is creating a stronger bond between us and I promise you the universe has amazing plans for you and I.
My fellow brothers and sisters, all that I ask is that you consider your wishes and your partners wishes, don’t hold each other back, imagine you are both two free birds flying around the trees both enjoying the company of each other and enjoying the view together. Not two wild birds restricted to a small cage with no view of the real world.